At the heart of many marriage problems is a problem of personal morality. Dishonesty, irresponsibility, and a self-centered mentality can ruin a marriage or create problems that are sometimes impossible to solve. In order for two people to even begin to work as a unit, there must be a willingness to operate on basic principles of personal morality.
Personal morality consists of choosing to do what is right no matter how difficult the consequences of your decision may be. In the end, the choice to act morally brings a satisfaction that builds confidence and deep sense of satisfaction with life in general.
Even though times may be tough, this satisfaction gives you the ability to enjoy the little things in life and appreciate the good times you have had. A person who consistently makes immoral choices not only reaps the consequences of those choices but also forfeits his or her own sense of self-respect.
One of the greatest moral problems that affect marriages is the problem of dishonesty. Whether this involves failing to tell the whole story, disclose important information about matters that pertain to both parties, or leading a double life, dishonesty will bring certain trouble to a relationship.
If you discover your spouse has a problem with lying, kindly but firmly confront your spouse about this and let him or her know you are not willing to tolerate this behavior in your marriage. Discuss the importance of trust in your relationship, and suggest a plan to help your spouse overcome this problem. You may need additional help or counsel—don’t be afraid to get help if needed.
Another problem that is at the root of many arguments in relationships is the failure to take personal responsibility for one’s actions. When a person has been brought up believing that others are to blame for his or her problems, that person will continue to apply this philosophy to problems that arise in the marriage.
If you have a tendency to blame your spouse for problems you know are at least partially your fault, remind yourself that taking responsibility for your part of the problem will enable you to begin solving it. This applies to problems in your marriage and problems with others outside your relationship.
Avoiding the temptation to shift blame not only helps eliminate many negative thought processes and pointless discussions about your problems, it also helps you find ways to relieve your frustration by looking for a real solution to your problems.
By moving out of the victim mentality and accepting personal responsibility for your actions, you will begin to feel a sense of control that is important to a healthy mind and emotions.
A self-centered mindset is another problem that is sometimes not confronted in its early stages. When couples act out of love for one another, they will naturally act in each other’s best interest. Love, however, is often mistakenly viewed as a simple emotion that you either feel or don’t feel. When couples misunderstand the meaning of love, they can deceive themselves into believing they no longer love one another because they simply do not feel the emotion.
At the heart of this belief is a self-centeredness that must be confronted and overcome. By acting unselfishly to meet each other’s needs even when the emotional aspect of love is missing, couples often discover that this emotion emerges again, stronger and more vibrant than ever.
The best way to prevent the flames of love from being extinguished in your relationship is to commit to acting in a loving way no matter how you feel at the moment.